Faith and the Weight of the Wait

by: Matthew M. Nepomuceno

Hebrews 11:1 says, “Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."

There are four points that I would like to highlight here: (1) confidence, (2) hope, (3) assurance, and (4) we do not see. Faith is about confidence. We can’t say it’s FAITH if it’s mixed up with DOUBT. Faith means you’re confident that what you’re waiting for, what you’re hoping for, will come no matter how bad or how impossible the situation is. Faith is also about hope. These two come in pairs. We can’t say we have faith if we do not hope. We cannot maintain being hopeful if we do not have faith. Those who feel hopeless are those who also start to lose faith.

Finally, Faith also comes with an assurance despite not being able to see. Receiving the item you ordered from an online shop is not about “faith” because you can see it, you can even track its progress using an app’s logistics tracker. Faith is believing that something will happen even if you don’t even know what, where, when, or how.

But faith also comes with a heavy weight: WAITING.

Perhaps one of the most difficult things to do is to wait especially when you’re not sure when or how it will arrive, or, if it will arrive at all. When you order from an online shop, you wait. But you can actually demand as a customer, especially if the seller specified a time when the parcel will arrive. But what if you’re waiting for something that is beyond your control? Something, beyond your means? Like being cured from a disease, getting your dream job, or like what most couples pray for, having a baby.

Kay and I got married in 2014 and from then on, we hoped and waited for a baby. I thought it’s gonna be fast just like what you usually see in movies, but it wasn’t as easy as it seems. My wife has Polycstic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which means she has too many follicles that do not develop into an egg. This is why it’s difficult from some PCOS patients to conceive. You wouldn’t know when the egg will be fertilized because unlike women with regular menstruation, PCOS patients do not menstruate regularly. In the case of my wife, she would have droplets of menstruation perhaps once or twice a year. Unless she takes pills that would “force” her ovaries to produce a viable egg.

For the past four years since our wedding, we have tried many cycles to take meds in high hopes that her ovaries will be triggered or stimulated to produce an egg, to no avail.

The weight of the wait becomes heavier as months and years pass by, especially when you have people around you (relatives, colleagues, etc.) who would ask “When are you going to have a baby?” During the first few years, I didn’t really mind because I know and I am assured that God will give us children. However, it starts to become painful and offending when you see your wife crying randomly asking—

“Do you still love me?”

“Will you stay even if we won’t have children?”

“Can you still wait?”

Waiting is never a fun thing to do. It makes you anxious, doubtful, and worried. These thoughts become the devil’s entry point for more negative ideas and as they become planted deeper and deeper, one starts to lose hope, to stagnate, to falter.

What dreams and aspirations do you have? How long have you been waiting? Praying for it to come or to happen?

Do not let delays or “rejections” keep you away from your faith, from your dreams. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Whether your prayer gets answered with a YES, LATER, or NO, have faith because those who do will discover an even greater blessing ahead of their lives.

*****

Last November 12, 2018, around 5:00 AM, my wife woke me up in a hushed and excited voice. She flashed the pregnancy test on my face and it took me about 10 seconds to realize what she’s saying. I thought it was a dream but there it is, God’s answer to our prayers, in His best time, in His best way.

What surprised me all the more was when she showed to me all the other negative pregnancy tests (she kept over the years) as her tears flow from her eyes. I didn’t know that she has been keeping all those “bad news” since after getting married…

All the pain, all the weight of the wait suddenly disappeared and an immense joy filled our hearts because of the two red lines, no matter how faint the second one was. We kept the great news to ourselves. We kept it even from our families. We waited until our doctor advised us to have the ultrasound. In December 1, 2018, the ultrasound detected our baby’s heartbeat.

God has given us the gift of life, and He has lent to us another life to love and to nurture.

When the weight of the wait becomes heavier, the rate of your faith should be higher. 

Press on! Greater days are ahead of you through God’s grace.