Pains of Being a Teacher

I have realized that the most painful part of being a teacher is not the difficult nor the multiple tasks; it’s not the fatigue that one will feel after every class; it’s not the irritation that one will experience whenever the class is noisy; it’s not the litany of the head, principal, or dean because you did not comply with a certain requirement or procedure. It’s when you observe that your students seem not to learn anything from you.

Lately, Kay and I were discussing about our experiences in teaching. Although I graduated ahead of her, we both started teaching this school year. Most of the time, she would complain about the behavior of her “boys”. Freshmen high school boys are naturally rowdy and noisy. On my part, I told her that I don’t have any problem as regards discipline. I’ve been telling her that dealing with my cadets is a lot more tolerable than dealing with the owners and administrators of the school.

However, I have observed lately the poor performance of my cadets. Most of them got a low score during the prelim exams, and I just can’t help but be worried. “What was wrong?” I keep on asking myself, “What went wrong? Principle? Language learning theory? Classroom Management? Teaching Strategy? Instructional Materials? Assessment Tools? Which one?”

I didn’t feel any anxiety regarding the fact that the management will blame me and might scold me for the cadets’ poor oral and written communication skills. Instead, I felt sorry for myself. I felt so pathetic. Maybe I’m not an effective educator.

Most of my classmates in my undergraduate years and in my masteral studies (and even Kay) tend to regard me as “a good student.” They see me as a “bibo kid” inside a classroom because I actively participate and seem to have all the answers that the professor would give. Sadly, I see myself now as a mere “bibo kid”. I’m a disgrace to the PNU Enlish Department. It seems that I’m only good at theories and concepts, but I fail to apply them in class.

I‘ve realized that the shadows of my students’ illiteracy and incompetence would forever haunt me.

But I shall fight back. I must illuminate the path. I must change the course of history. I don’t know how, but I will.