Choices and Consequences

I'm not a brat... or maybe I am.

But how do you define a "brat'?

I never experienced asking my mother and father to buy me something (i.e. toys and kid stuff); we were informed about our lean budget since we were kids. If "brat" is defined as someone who gets what s/he wants by "threatening" people around him (especially parents) or having tantrums, then I guess I'm not.

I get what I want (most of the time). But I work for it real hard. I sold "polvoron" and "yema" during my elementary days so that I can buy myself snacks. I sold "lumpia" and "turon"under the blistering heat of the sun to buy myself a guitar. I persuaded classmates and friends and to sell their stuff at a very low price or give them to me in exchange of some odd things (i.e. running errands for them or finishing their assignments or projects)

I accomplish my plans, or at least I try. I face people (or write to them) and tell them frankly how I loathe their practices (especially in the workplace), which is exactly what I did a few months ago.

I got pissed off with the "culture" and character of people in my former "school".

I resigned.

I chose to leave the "fortunes" served in the not-so-genuine silver platter. I chose to leave some of the friends and colleagues that for years served as members of the secret society of the abused. I chose to go back to the polluted and over populated Metro Manila.

I chose to live alone.

But I'm not a hypocrite, and during the first 2 weeks of my stay in my humble abode, I realized that somehow, living on your own is not that "cool".

There were nights when I felt so solitary. No one to talk to and nothing much to do (which made me realize how badly I need a laptop--which is the message behind my Friendster shoutout: "...accepts donations...") I should be happy, now I have more time for myself; now I have more time to read. But I'm a person who tries to adhere to the Chinese concept of the Yin and Yang. I need to engage to other recreational activites more than reading. In short, I need to chat (literally and virtually).

Fortunately, just yesterday, Kay and I had an opportunity to talk (It's been a while, since she buried herself into solitary confinement for 100 years... because of Gabriel Garcia Marquez and his spiritual Filipino alter ego, Venancio Lazaro Mendiola) She told me that I'm being melancholic because of the fact that the other school (from which I will be a part time faculty) hasn't started classes yet.

Maybe she's right and I should just enjoy the dumb moments inside my shack. She even pressed me to finish reading The Last Temptation of Christ (I'm in chapter 23 in all fairness) so that she can borrow it. I told her it's not something you read quickly because the context is highly meditative like Hesse's Siddharta, but she snides that I've been reading it for a year now and I should let go of it. (Well, hopefully I'll be able to finish it in no time ;-) )

Realizations 101: Maybe it's just part of the adjustment. Hopefullt, in the next few days, I'll be meeting and chatting with old friends and new friends.

Life is what we make it, consequences are results of our choices. <-- taray